We recognize the tremendous amount of pressure that most caregivers experience. We also understand that many people feel this kind of pressure because they simply expect too much from themselves. As a caregiver, have you found yourself mumbling these common myths to yourself under your breath?
My loved one does not want anyone but me taking care of them.
While this may be true, it is very important that you have someone that can be there to substitute for you if you are unable to be there all of the time. Find someone you can trust and you feel would treat your loved one with dignity and respect. Expect a certain amount of resistance when you introduce your substitute caregiver to your loved one. Your loved one will eventually accept your substitute caregiver if you spend some time searching for the best available person for the job.
I feel guilty. I should be able to handle all of this myself.
Fight those feelings of inadequacies and guilt! You are just one person and you do have limitations. The average woman will spend over eighteen years of her life caring for an elderly relative. Think about it. While our children become more independent as they grow older, our elderly become less independent. It is perfectly normal to have feelings of resentment towards the person we are caring. Furthermore, these feelings just may make you angry at times. It is all right. You are only human.
Ill feel like a failure if I ask for any help.
You could not be more wrong. Please understand that everyone benefits when you ask for and receive help. Accepting your limitations, occasionally taking some time out for yourself and getting some help are essential mandates to being able to provide quality care to your loved one. Simply put, you must take care of yourself first before you can adequately take care of your loved one. You are anything but a failure if you take the initiative and ask for some help. It is also possible that there are some people out there that want to help but are waiting for you to ask them first because they do not want to intrude in your personal business. You are a smart caregiver if you know your limitations and you should never, ever feel guilty asking anyone for a little bit of help!
If I set limits and say no then I am just being selfish.
Understand that there are times when it is just fine to just say no. You cannot be all things to all people. You cannot be in two places at once. Without the ability to say no you will undoubtedly increase the possibility of developing depression, anxiety or other debilitating health problems. Setting personal limitations will enable you to establish a very necessary balance between all aspects of your life. Setting limitations will help you conserve your energy and strength, which, in turn, will make you a better caregiver. You should feel comfortable talking to your loved one about some of your limitations.
Never feel guilty about your caregiving experience.
Furthermore, do not let anyone make you feel guilty about anything.
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